Breakfast Bangers II: Pop-Tart Pick ‘Em

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Sup, fam. Welcome back to Breakfast Bangers Part Deaux- Pop Tart edition. Hot and fresh, right outta the toaster. Another very underrated staple to the most important meal of the day. My last Breakfast Bangers blog focused on some of the most unhealthy but delicious cereals of our time. Let’s keep that same energy. For real doe- You can’t tell me you were waking up from a long night of Crash Bandicoot dying for some oatmeal and fruit. Nah, you were like “Hey, Ma. Throw some of them tarts in the toaster. I got some more PS1 to slay.” Or maybe you were a right outta the wrapper type of kid? I can respect that, no time to waste when you’re on a heater. Either way, we can all agree that Pop Tarts were another Banger on the breakfast plate. Before we get into some of my top tarts, lets first get a few things straight..

Straight out the wrapper or hot from the toaster?

Personally, this one is a toss up for me. All depends on what flavor I’m grabbing out the pantry. Am I going traditional strawberry? Wrapper. Or am I bout to smash a S’mores? Toaster. Book it!

Crust or Nah, fam?

Tricky one here. I enjoyed the crust but not from jump street. I’d break that shit in half and start from the center. Make sure I get all that filling ASAP! End with a good crunch of crust on my way out. Any weirdo’s cut all the crust off? If so y’all can hold this mayo.

Frosted or Unfrostsed?

Im not even entertaining this shit. If you ain’t with the frosted tarts then you aint fam! Ya’ll mouths were dryer than SpongeBob without water in Sandy’s crib.

Okay, lets Get Toasting..

The OGs


A seasoned veteran. Strawberry is like your friend back in the gap that never said no..always had ya back. Loyal AF! A ton of flavor? Nah, but it still did the trick. The Corn Pops of tarts if you will.


Another classic. Some may not have been a fan of this one but I’d put it up there. Do I know why? Not exactly. Maybe because it was my excuse for getting my serving of “fruit” in for the day. Lord knows little fat Garrett never even sniffed a real blueberry.


Literally putting this here just because its another fruit. No lie, don’t think I ever ate it. Never have been a fan of cherry flavored shit. To this day I still leave the black cherry Truly’s till last. Usually can’t tell the difference at that point..

The Karens

Confetti Cupcake

If this ain’t some powder puff girls shit. I mean this shit screams Karen.. If this pop tart were a car it would totally be a mini-van. But I’m not here to judge…HA, yeah right.

Strawberry Milksake

O.G. Strawberry not sweet enough for you? HAVE NO FEAR STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE IS HERE! This one is some cookie cutter neighborhood shit. Ain’t nobody with a little swag eating this shit. But every group needs their fix!

The Champs

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

While I’m not a HUGE fan of cookie dough, I still felt like this one deserved a spot at the top. I feel like I would get my ass whooped in the DMs from the dough lovers if I left this one out. Not saying I never dabbled but the ones below would have to be empty for me to snag this one off the shelf.

Chocolate Cupcake

Ya’ll remember when I said I still smash three oreos (no more, no less) every night with glass of whole milk? Good. Well, if I ever so happen to find myself without an oreo in the house (rare), my back up is always a Hostesss cupcake. ALWAYS. Hence why this beautiful SOB made it to the championship podium.

Brown Sugar Cinnamon

Another classic but one with a little more pop than OG strawberry. BSC was just as trusty as strawberry but was the one I grabbed if I woke up “feeling dangerous” as my guy Baker would say.


Ya’ll ever eat something and say “Man, I remember this tasting alot different as a kid” THAT AINT S’MORES POP-TARTS! This shit was a banger, still is a banger and will forever be a banger. The mix of gooey chocolate and marshmallow on the inside with that toasted graham cracker crust…IN THE BASKET, MA!

Y’all keep coming back for breakfast, fam!

Hold it.

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