Breakfast Bangers: 90s Cereal Ya Dentist Hated

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Morning, fam. As I sat on my back porch this morning eating a big bowl or cereal , Captain Crunch to be specific, I thought to myself what an underrated breakfast category it really is. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good pound of applewood smoked bacon every now and then but cereal is just on another level. I mean, have you ever been down the that aisle?! It has more diversity than any liberal arts college on the west coast. However, while the cereal aisle in 2020 is one hell of an experience there will never be another decade of cereal releases like there was when I was still pissing my own pants in the early 90s. So, lets grab a spoonful of nostalgia, pretend were not adults for a while and revisit some of these breakfast bangers..

Corn Pops

I’m gonna get shit for this one so let’s just get it out of the way now. Of all the cereals I remember from the 90’s this one may be the one with the least spunk. I’m a sucker for a catchy design and while POPS isn’t the flashiest of cereals I still loved eating this shit! No crazy shapes or colors just your generic sweetened corn puffs but still a staple of the 90s. This one was always more a “bare-hand out of the box” kinda move for me. Milk on the side (whole milk btw not that 2% bullshit).

Oreo O’s

Oh lawd! This one has a special place in my heart. Anyone who knows me knows that TO THIS DAY I make a large glass of (whole) milk and snag three Oreo’s (no more, no less) as a late night snack. I’ve loved Oreo’s as long as I can remember; so when they decided to make my favorite snack into a cereal I damn near lost my childhood mind. Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that I don’t have to wait until 10pm to enjoy a cream filled cookie anymore? Instead I can slam an entire mixing bowl full of them before I catch the bus for school? SIGN ME UP! Only bad part was ya had to immediately brush your teeth after unless ya wanted to look something like this..

Rice Krispie Treats

Let’s stick with the trend of snacks for breakfast. Another one of my favorite snacks was a classic rice krispie treat. So, as you can imagine when they decided to replicate this snack into a morning meal little Garrett had to once again contain himself. Obviously we already had the regular Rice Krispies but Kelloggs just out did themselves with this version. Clusters of rice krispies bunched together with the help of a sugary marshmallow coating. SOMEBODY SLAP ME I MUST BE DREAMING! Thankfully I wasn’t. Sadly, I don’t think you can find these in the store anymore. Ya hate to see it.

Sprinkle Spangles

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better as a kid they come out with this beaut! Sprinkle Spangles may take the cake when it comes to snacks for breakfast. This shit was literally the most unhealthy thing you could think of – literally a star shaped cereal made from sugar and sprinkles. Nothing else. Just sugar and more sugar. Which is obviously why it was THE BOMB to us kids in the 90s. I said previously that I’m a sucker for a catchy design, well here it is. This is the type of shit that I’ll buy just because the box is cool. Sweet colors. Sweet graphics. A damn genie spitting magic. THROW IT IN THE BASKET, MA! Sprinkle Spangle was essentially POPS cooler older brother. Unfortunately, you won’t find this gem in the stores anymore either. Pretty sure this is the one that ruined the whole candy for breakfast dream.

KIX

If Sprinkle Spangles is the cool older brother then KIX must be the awkward middle child. Unlike the last three cereals we discussed KIX was actually lower in sugar – LAME! Also, this is another sub-par box design. The marketing person for KIX must have had the personality of a doorknob. Not to mention their slogan was “Kid tested, Mother approved.” C’ monnnn. The last thing I wanted was something that my mom thought was cool. Nonetheless, I still dabbled with KIX from time to time. Mainly when I was at my grandmaw’s because thats all she had and I knew better than to tell my gmaw what was up! Don’t worry all my KIX lovers out there. You can still find this one on the shelves.

Waffle Crisp

You like waffles? Me too. Don’t feel like waiting for mom to make one? No problem. Enter Waffle Crisp. I remember this one vividly. A perfect amount of syrup-y goodness with just the right amount of crisp! Phew. What a time to be alive. This one checked both boxes for me. As you can tell I enjoyed the flavor but I also give this one the dub for box design too. Love the little waffle guy on the front. You make anything that doesn’t normally have arms and legs into a human and ya had me from jump street. They claim you can still find this one but I find that hard to believe. I better get a DM though if any of you assholes sees this treasure somewhere.

Lets finish strong…

French Toast Crunch

Quite similar in flavor to Waffle Crisp is the forever great French Toast Crunch. Add a little cinnamon flavor to the mix and shape these bad boys into miniature slices of french toast and voila – you’ve got (in my opinion) one of the best cereals ever made. If you somehow didn’t grow up eating this on your movie tray in-front of the TV while watching cartoons on Saturday morning…then I just cant fucks with ya, fam! I’m sure some of you remember when General Mills re-made this banger a few years ago. Not sure if they changed the recipe, or maybe it was that I was eating this cereal hungover for the first time ever, but it just wasn’t the same. Even if its still out there it will never taste like it did to me in ’98.

Damn, is that pepper in my eyes. This one really got the juices flowing. What a fun trip down memory lane. The 90’s really is undefeated in the cereal game. Too bad we won’t ever see some of the delicious bangers anymore.

Let’s do breakfast together again next week, fam!

I know most of y’all already copped that new B.A.D collection. But for the ones living under a rock.. WAKE UP!

HOLD IT.

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