College Mayo Spreads

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Before we even get into this weekend and the potential glory behind it. I’d like to firmly apologize for the disaster that was known as Mayo Spreads this past Thanksgiving. All good things come to and end, but they never end that fucking bad. With that being said, what a time to make amends for the oh so sad misfortune of last week.

We have arrived, conference championship weekend has struck us right in the ass. Teams will be emotional as the Lifetime channel when it is all set and done. Emotions will surely hit the Georgia Bulldogs right in that puppy gut on Saturday. If there was one thing I was right about last week, it was that Georgia is hanging on to slim, false, short lived hopes that they will remain significant when this weekend is over.

It takes nothing but large balls to do what HTM is about to do right now. Buddy, we got the fucking balls. All 10 games are on the spread today and we aren’t looking back. Kill or be killed in the world of college football gambling this weekend.

Spread #1

(5)Utah vs. Oregon(13) UTAH -7.0

  • Utah could lose this game and I wouldn’t prioritize it first on your spreads.
  • With that being said, Utah is 9-3 against the spread.
  • Utah looks better than any Utah team we’ve ever seen.
  • Both Oregon and Utah are even in about every statistic until you get to defense.
  • The Utes don’t allow shit for rushing yards.
  • Just be very careful here and take Oregon to cover.

Mayo Spread Pick: The Ducks will cover +7.0 and potentially win.

Update: The Ducks smack Utah right back to reality, 37-15.

Spread #2

(7 Baylor vs. (6)Oklahoma OKLA -9.0

  • Nine points in a conference championship game seems like a dick ton.
  • This game just happened not even three weeks ago. Oklahoma won by three on some chicken shit.
  • Baylor is 8-4 against the spread.
  • Oklahoma is 5-7 against the spread.
  • I’ve bet on Oklahoma countless times and they blow the cover continuously.
  • Well….

Mayo Spread Pick: Taking Oklahoma to cover -9.0 and feel great about it. Do the right thing, this is the right thing.

Update: Oklahoma wins 24 -17. This was a stupid fucking bet in hindsight.

Spread #3

Lafayette Rajun Cajuns vs. (21)Appalachian State APP -6.5

  • App State has themselves a nice little squad.
  • But, have ya heard of these Rajun Cajuns?
  • ULL is 9-3 against the spread.
  • APP is 8-4 against the spread.
  • The teams are dead even in everything.
  • They both beat the piss out of Troy as well.

Mayo Spread Pick: Take those Rajun Cajuns to cover. Be careful on picking to win, but for sure cover +6.5

Update: The Rajun Cajuns came back from hell to miss the cover by 1/2 a point. App. State wins 45-38.

Spread #4

Miami (OH) vs. Central Michigan CMU -6.5

  • Jeez, ya hate to see Michigan again this week.
  • Here we have Central Michigan, the younger brother of that blue and yellow bastard.
  • Speaking of younger brother, ladies and gentleman please stand for Brent Gabbert.
  • Gabbert, I know it strikes a fine bell in your head right now.
  • Brent Gabbert is the starting QB for the Red Hawks of Ohio.
  • I refuse to take Michigan anything in all circumstances for the rest of the current decade.

Mayo Spread Pick: Take Gabbert to go full young Gabbert and cover for Miami (OH) +6.5

Update: Miami (OH) and Gabbert take the W, 26-21. Gabbert over bitches.

Spread #5

UAB vs. Florida Atlantic FAU -7.5

  • FAU and Lane Kiffin have reached this game twice in the last three seasons.
  • UAB is the defending C-USA Champions.
  • FAU is fucking rolling right now.
  • Kiffin, 8-4 against the spread this season.
  • UAB, 7-5 against the spread.
  • Don’t bet against Lane on this one.
  • Kiffin on the road again after this anyways…

Mayo Spread Pick: FAU rolls over UAB and covers.

Spread #6

(20)Cincinnati vs. (17)Memphis MEM -9.5

  • Heads up, they just played last week.
  • Game ended with Memphis winning by ten points.
  • Mike Norvell been getting calls out the ass from the SEC.
  • Memphis is a pretty damn consistent football club.
  • Cincinnati stands at 7-5 ATS.
  • Memphis feeling a little better at 8-4 ATS.
  • Frank would like to have a word…

Mayo Spread Pick: Take Memphis to win big.

Spread #7

(4)Georgia vs. (2)LSU LSU -7.0

  • SEC Championship in that depressing Mercedes stadium.
  • LSU looking to put the finishing touch on Georgia football as a whole.
  • Georgia has the better defense of the two if we are being honest.
  • LSU has a world class offense that we may never see again.
  • The Falcons are trash as fuck, meaning the entire State of Georgia is behind this team.
  • I’m sticking with the ever evolving Joey Balls to win and cover. Book it.

Mayo Spread Pick: LSU covers -7.0, Burrow wins Heisman, and Georgia cries until next season when they will cry again.

Spread #8

Hawaii vs. (19)Boise State BSU -14

  • This is not the Boise of past with running up scores.
  • This game is not at 1:00 in the morning when Boise usually thrives.
  • Boise is 6-5-1 ATS.
  • Hawaii is 7-5 ATS, with a high powered offense.
  • Boise has let me down all season with spreads.

Mayo Spread Pick: Take Hawaii to cover +14

Spread #9

(23)Virginia vs. (3)Clemson CLEM (-28.5)

  • It should’ve been Virginia Tech against Clemson…
  • The spread wouldn’t have been 28 plus points, jeez.
  • Clemson should feast on this occasion.
  • Clemson is an impressive 9-3 ATS.
  • Virginia is 6-5-1 ATS.
  • Here below we have Notre Dame fans rooting for other shitty teams to win.

Mayo Spread Pick: Clemson devours Virginia and covers -28.5

Spread #10

(1)Ohio State vs. (8)Wisconsin OSU -16.5

  • Ohio State is not winning this game by more than 14 points.
  • OSU solid at 9-3 ATS. Wisconsin at 7-5.
  • Battle of two stellar running backs in J.K. Dobbins and Jonathan Taylor.
  • I’d shit myself if Wisconsin won this game.
  • Please remember Wisconsin is a much better football team than MICHIGAN!
  • Game should be played in the snow, I agree Mark.

Mayo Spread Pick: Take Wisconsin to cover +16.5


Northern Piss Cake Parlay

  • Wisconsin (+16.5)
  • Miami (OH) +6.5
  • Boise State (TO WIN)

Southern Slump Pie Parlay

  • LSU (-7)
  • Clemson (-28.5)
  • Memphis (-9.5)

HTM Handbook Rule: Never Parlay North & South Teams…

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