Craig’s Checkered Flag Report: Darlington Darlin’

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Craig's Checkered Flag Report on Darlington.

Pump your breaks and start those engines in Darlington, because on Sunday we’re about to go fast as piss. NASCAR is making hard left turns and breaking eggs on hot asphalt in Darlington, South Carolina. Little different, no spotters in the towers instead they will be “socially distancing” in the grandstands. Also, no engineers on site and thats a crock of shit. We need more wrench turners and grease monkeys since we are racing for points here shortly. I don’t run the fucking show, just happen to be balls deep in it.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS CRAIG’S BLOG, I JUST HELP HIM PUT IT ON WORD PRESS AND HE HANDLES THE REST. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE, THANKS!

Wanna know what good fucking time looks, sounds, and feels like?

Darlington Downer’s

That also means no wet T-shirt contest, campers, beer, jeers or cigarettes on the infield. Hell, that ain’t going to slow us down. Gonna see the boys cranking up those bad son of a bitches at 2:20 CST. Be punctual, even if you gotta pull up ya own sedan on the track like this asshole did in 1986.

Poll Pickin’ Pussies

The number 2 car, Brad Keselowski will be on the pole. NASCAR has decided that having charter teams pick names out of a fucking hat is the most effective way to decide position. Look at this debacle, fuck.

Craig’s Top 5 picks for Sunday

1.Denny Hamlin

2.Chase Elliot

3.Kurt Busch

4.Martin Truex Jr.

5.Kevin Harvick

I love me a fucking Chevy man…

Some fan favorite’s not included in my top five to look out for are Ryan Newman and Clint Boyer. Ryan Newman is making his ass kicking return to racing after a wreck at Daytona, second only to Dale Earnhardt’s fatal wreck. He’s a real humble son of a bitch. Clint Boyer will also be there and if you aren’t following him then you need to smoke a few. My boy is racing in the simulator, drinking Busch, and still don’t give a fuck. Kyle Larson’s ignorant ass won’t be racing, obviously. Matt Kenseth will taking his place in the number 42 car looking to have a moment.

Darlington Essentials

Craig’s Starter Pack
There’s a couple ways to turn ya place into a backyard, redneck infield party. Go ahead and put ya stock in yours truly to give you a head start.

  • One fire ass playlist: Travis Tritt, Clint Black, Kid Rock, Joe Diffy, Alan Jackson and anything else American as piss.
  • Gotta have a tres pack(High-Life, Busch, Keystone or Bud Heavy) and some Truly for the ladies. Don’t be an asshole.
  • Grab ya cigarettes (anything Red 100’s or Virginia Slims).
  • Cut off jeans(Wrangler or Levi) brands matter and throw in a cutoff shirt or wife beater of choice.
  • Ya momma’s lawn chair and a kiddie pool to put your feet in cause it gonna be hot.

We ready to party on Sunday, let’s get as blasted as Jimmy Johnson in High School and race. Follow me on Twitter, click this link. HOLD IT.

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