Hide Ya Kids, Hide Ya Wife, Hide Ya ATMs!

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Look at those moves, doe!

Hide Ya ATMs, Y’all!

Who steals an ATM? This guy. But this isn’t just any run of the mill type of robbery. This dude isn’t throwing this ATM in the back of his truck and hauling ass outta there. HE’S TRYING TO TAKE IT ON A CUTY BUS! I mean this is prime 2020 “stupid criminal” type of shit…. Maybe I shouldn’t assume he’s trying to steal the ATM. Maybe he owns it and just locked his keys in his truck? Or maybe his truck wouldn’t start this morning? Maybe all of his friends with trucks were out of town? Eh, that’s neither here nor there. Can we talk about the athleticism it takes to not only move an ATM but move one at the speed this cat did it!

Look at that footwork..

He has a little trouble starting out. Understandably. He almost loses it when he slides it off the curb but he collects himself and never looks back. He starts out with the dragging technique. Not my favorite. He immediately realizes thats not the right form and switches to the “corner to corner” shuffle. BINGO. Now he’s got it. He gets his new prized possession to the door just in time to have it….SLAMMED IN HIS FACE!

All that work. The blood sweat and tears he put into getting that ATM all the way there just to have his hopes and dreams cut short by the local city bus driver. Ya hate to see it. It gets better. As the driver pulls of he yells…

“We coulda made money together!” – Alleged ATM thief

He was willing to share the wealth! Not just any criminal but a non-greedy one. My kinda guy. I bet that bus driver is pissed the didn’t wait for him now.

Other career options..

After seeing this dudes dad strength and stealthy footwork I feel like he could be doing a shitload of others things other than presumably stealing ATMs. Heres a few on my list:

  • Give Trox a run for his money at breaking those world records
  • Play DB for the Bengals, Giants, or Redskins
  • Move ONLY the really heavy stuff at UPS
  • Champion hopscotch-er
  • ATM service- man

Hold it, fam.

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