Ah man, look at that glorious picture of Ed Orgeron getting the Mountain Berry Blast cooler bath. Want to feel that damn good this weekend? Want that kind of glory? Saturday Spreads may do the trick. Maybe it has been a disaster all spread season and you can’t seem to find any clarity. Clarity is right here my friends. Clarity is looking you dead in the face. Well, clarity is in the form of these HTM Saturday Mayo Spreads. We’ve had nothing but clarity the last few weeks with Saturday lines. Went six for nine two weeks ago with a huge Purdue Boilermaker bonanza. One week later we went seven for nine leaving the buffet in crumbs with no sympathy.
Wanna feel like a Tiger? Put your balls on the line like Burrow. Dawg it pal, dawg it. Make the right decision and don’t piss off the ones who support your treacherous habit of sports gambling. Please observe the following Mayo Spreads and make the fucking call. Hold it.
(5) Alabama vs. Miss. St ALA -18.5
- How you doing Saban?
- Alabama sucks against the spread. (4-5)
- Bama coming off bad times in Tuscaloosa.
- Mississippi State has a god awful offense.
- State also has god awful chances of competing in this game.
- Nick Saban continues to destroy all of Alabama! (muahahaha)
Mayo Spread Pick: Take Bama to cover all that shit.
Update: Bama covers, Tua goes down, and Saban is pissed. (38-7)
Indiana vs. (9) Penn State PSU -15.0
- Don’t fucking sleep on Indiana.
- Indiana is 6-3 against the spread.
- Hoosiers have won 4 straight games.
- Indiana may cover, most likely won’t.
- In other Penn State news, Chase Young is Salivating.
Mayo Spread Pick: Penn State lives another day until Chase Young eats their program. Take em to cover.
Update: Penn State wins by a touchdown. Indiana gains pride on this Saturday. (34-27)
(11) Florida vs. Missouri FLA -7
- The Gators and Kyle Trask head to Columbia.
- Florida sitting competitive at 6-4 against the spread.
- Missouri was supposedly good at one point this year.
- The great value Tigers have lost three straight.
- It’s the “show me” state somebody has to show me.
- Barry Odom may be the most hated man in Missouri right now.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take those Gators to cover. Barry always blows it in Missouri.
Update: Gators smack Barry in the mouth. (23-6)
Michigan State vs. (15) Michigan MICH -13.5
- Here we fucking go again. The 112th time they have met.
- The audacity to bet on this horrific battle of Michigan.
- MSU 2-7 against the spread.
- Losing their last four games, Michigan State is just a flat out shit show.
- Michigan fans still think their teams are acceptable.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take Michigan to cover this absurd spread. Don’t thank Harbaugh, thank HTM.
Update: Michigan can rest good tonight. Very unusual to say, but Michigan handled business. (44-10)
(19) Texas vs. Iowa State ISU -7
- Texas is 4-5 against the spread and in need of wins period.
- ISU is a scrappy fucking football team.
- The Cyclones have lost two straight ball busters against OU and OKST.
- Tom Herman owns Iowa State. (2-0 since arriving in Austin)
- It takes balls to wage heavy on this game with confidence.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take Texas to cover in Jack Trice Stadium. Something just isn’t right here with Texas though…
Update: Texas covers and loses. Knew something wasn’t right in that Austin water.
(23) Navy vs. (16) Notre Dame ND -7
- Here we got the most life sucking game ever played.
- Irish vs. Midshipmen in a nostalgic, classic clash.
- Notre Dame will most likely show up.
- Navy beats the piss out of C-USA and that is really where it ends.
- Notre Dame can’t get anyone to the fucking game.
- Parking to see the Irish play is rumored to be 100 dollars.
- Surely it will be cold as balls with better things to do in Indiana like stay warm.
Mayo Spread Pick: Fuck, Take The Irish to cover and their fans to be under the covers.
Update: Everyone is warm in Indiana. The Fighting Irish performed and covered. (52-20)
(4) Georgia vs. (12) Auburn UGA -3.0
- Auburn sitting arrogant and disrespected at 7-2 against the spread.
- Auburn does not lose in Jordan-Hare.
- Georgia is overrated and sitting at 5-4 against the spread.
- Fromm > Nix and that will be the difference in this game.
- Oh shit, The Nature Boy will be present…take the fucking dawgs.
Mayo Spread Pick: Georgia by whatever Flair says…WOOOOOO! Take em to cover.
Update: Bo Nix blows it again. Georgia squeaks out the cover. (21-14)
Northern Mille-Feuille Parlay (Too much may cause a coma)
- Notre Dame (TO WIN)
- Minnesota (TO WIN)
- Michigan (TO WIN)
- Penn State (-14.5)
Update: Can’t eat what you can’t say. Penn State blows the Mille-Feuille for HTM.
Georgia German Chocolate Parlay
- Georgia (-3)
- LSU (TO WIN)
- Florida (TO COVER)
- Alabama (TO COVER)
Update: We highly recommend the Georgia German Chocolate on any visit to the HTM Spread Buffet.
Texas Tech Tiramisu
- Dig in and take Tech to smack those Horn Frogs. This shit was made real rich.
Update: Texas Tech had the right intentions mayo holders. Tech came back from 17 only to lose by two points. (33-31)
HTM Handbook Rule: Never Parlay North & South Teams. You know the god damn rule. Saturday Spreads.