It’s Saturday morning, and we all would like a nice bowl of Captain Crunch with berries. That sounds like an appropriate start to any uncertain morning. But like most generic coaches say, “It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.” Luckily, you’ve found yourself right here reading the first formal edition of Mayo Spreads. Get that bowl of berries, tug that rope, and get your ass back in the field of betting phenoms. We all know that fucking guy who knows every straight, parlay, and over/under on any given day of competition. That’s not us. We just keep it cool and play the damn field. Just play the field, pal. It’s week eight in college football, and it’s time to get over yourself, get these W’s and buy the pissed off ole lady a Mignon Faget necklace with your earnings. In direct correlation to the week on hand, we’ve got eight games on the radar for today. Hold it.
HTM COLLEGE GAME DAY SPREAD BUFFET:
Wisconsin vs. Illinois (WIS -31.0)
- Wisconsin is the real “Big Ten” deal.
- Jonathan Taylor helps them destroy people consistently.
- Illinois has not lost by 31 points all season.
- Wisconsin has played five straight home games.
- Saturday’s game is in Illinois.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take Illinois to cover.
Update: Wisconsin Disaster! Badgers lose 24-23 to Illinois
LSU vs. Miss St. (LSU -18.5)
- The Bulldogs are coming off two straight losses. (Aub, Tenn)
- Joe Burrow is the Baton Rouge Bomber.
- Loud crowd at Davis Wade but not loud enough to cover up that disaster offense.
- LSU has scored 40 plus every game this year.
- If you think this will be a low scoring game, The Tigers offense has a fuck ton of evidence to show otherwise.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take LSU to cover.
Update: Joe Big Balls Burrow played football today, LSU destroys State 36-13.
Kansas vs. Texas (Texas -21.0)
- Kansas coming off of three straight L’s.
- Les Miles is thinking about Tebow.
- Texas just dropped a salty, unwanted L to Oklahoma.
- Texas has two losses. This won’t be the third or even close to it.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take Texas to cover.
Update: Texas wins by two? 50-48.
West Virginia vs. Oklahoma (OKLA -33.0)
- West Virginia is not a good football team this year around.
- Jalen Hurts looks like a pro quarterback.
- The game is in Norman.
- The Sooners are plenty capable of winning by 33 points.
- Not today though, that is absolutely absurd.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take West Virginia to cover. (Hard to fathom WVU laying down to that 33 point extent)
Update: West Virginia is that fucking bad. OU wins 52-14.
Tulane vs. Memphis (MEM -3.5)
- Short and sweet right here.
- Sorry, Wave, so so sorry.
- We love you wave.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take Memphis to cover.
Update: I’ll Wave for you Tulane… Wave lose 47-17.
Texas A&M vs. Ole Miss (TA&M -6.0)
- A&M 1-2 in SEC play.
- Aggies are extremely fugazi.
- Ole Miss has two wins in the last five games…Southeastern and Vandy.
- Jimbo can’t lose this game or win it close.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take A&M to cover.
Update: Aggies cover and win 24-17.
Baylor vs. Oklahoma State (OKST -4.5)
- Baylor, nice story.
- Baylor hasn’t played Texas.
- Baylor hasn’t played OKST.
- Baylor hasn’t played Chuba Hubbard
- Game is in Oklahoma, and it’s homecoming.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take Oklahoma State to cover.
Update: OKST loses after being up 10 early. Baylor wins 45-27.
Michigan vs. Penn State (PSU -8.0)
- Harbaugh is one loss away from getting dropped off at the Shake Shack.
- Penn State has actually looked quite impressive against their opponents thus far.
- Penn State coming off of a grueling victory over Iowa.
- Michigan may be gaining form as incredibly shitty as that sounds.
- This spread is just too extra.
Mayo Spread Pick: Take Michigan to cover. (if they do not cover, remove them from your life)
Update: Who the fuck is Michigan? Nah, they covered in tragic fashion.
HTM Southern Parlay Pecan Pie
- Texas (-21)
- LSU (-18.5)
- Arkansas (+19.5)
- Memphis (TO WIN)
Update: No pie on the plate tonight.
HTM Northern Pissed Off Parlay Pudding
- Michigan (+8)
- Iowa (TO WIN)
- Illinois (+31)
Update: You can eat this Northern Pissed Off Parlay Pudding with pride.
HTM Upset Upside Down Cake (don’t parlay)
- Michigan beats Penn State
- Arizona State beats Utah
- Texas Tech beats Iowa State
Update: No Upset Upside Down Cake on the plate tonight.
Mayo Spread Sheet Disclosure
These are Snow’s picks. Don’t rebuke HTM if shit hits the fan. Just let Devin Snow know he’s a complete dumb ass. Especially if Michigan continues their disastrous fucking football season with tremendous, flake tendencies.
HTM HANDBOOK RULE: Never Parlay South & North Teams.