Mayo Spreads: Condiment Man Wants College Football Smoke

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Heard they got a fella inside the local Cracker Barrel this morning talking bout he wants some college football smoke this weekend? That simple, but simply hungry fella could be you. Ready to risk it all after a nice hearty breakfast at the barrel. Lemme say this, ya came to the right fucking blog. How’s mayo been?

Last week in college football?
4/5 on spreads
1/1 on upset
1/1 on parlay

Fucking phenomenal, thanks for asking.

Just a couple weeks ago there was a Goldberg streak mentioned in one of these fucking mayo spreads blogs. Mark my words, the spearing and utter jack hammering has begun.

Week 11
Mayo Spreads

Menu OptionsFavorite On PlateSpread Selection
(2)ND vs. BCND -13.5BC +13.5
(9)MIA vs. VTVT -2MIA +2
ARK vs. (6)FLAFLA -17.5ARK +17.5
(10)IU vs. MSUIU -7IU -7
Mayo Spreads
Week 11
  • Boston College can’t let us down now against some of the biggest fugazis in the history of pigskin. Notre Dame loss by only 7 points to Clemson, but let’s not forget BC only loss by 6 to Clemson just a week before. Doug Flutie wouldn’t get off this bus yet, and neither will mayo. BC!
The legend turned 58 just a couple weeks ago.
  • These folks in Vegas must be out their garbage ass minds putting Virginia Tech as a favorite against Miami like that. Away game for the canes? No problem. D’Eriq threw for 430 and five tuddies in last weeks warm up to this week. Gimme Miami to cover and win.
  • Bruh, if it were anyone other than Felipe Franks at QB for the Razorbacks on Saturday I would’ve took Florida and this stiff ass spread. However, the former gator is headed back to Gainesville with a fucking sword in his hand looking to prove pigs are better than gators.
Former Florida Gators QB Feleipe Franks now looks to fuck the Gators right in their tails via Arkansas Woo Pig Soo’ie!
  • I’ll take Indiana over anything Michigan.

Upset? Purdue over (23)Northwestern


  • ARK/FLA o60.5
  • ORST/WASH o52.5


Starting next week we will begin the motions to start Brady Morgan’s relentless idea to involve the holders into the mix. The motions will go like such:

  • Submit your five best spread selections to each week by Wednesday before 12:00 AM.
  • Inone upset per holder.
    • Make sure mayo can comprehend it.
  • One over/under per holder.
  • I’ll include those spreads submitted into this very blog each week and showcase them amongst my own.
  • Each submission will then have the opportunity to call in free of charge to SpreadQuarters on Saturday morning and defend their picks before kick-off.
  • Whoever has the most tallied points via the mayo spread point system (announced next Thursday) will be crowned that week’s mayo spread champion.
  • THAT IS, only if his/her spreads defeat mayo.
  • If the holder achieves both task, he or she will get a $10 gift card to Ben’s Burgers and a free mayo shirt.
  • All winners will get 30 seconds on The Lord’s Day during HTM Undressed to thank their fans.

Can’t get much easier than that.

It’ll evolve as it goes and fuck it, whoever sends me spreads for Saturday can enter this weeks training camp round. Bless ya wagering hearts and good luck to all assholes.

& best of luck to any asshole who tries to keep pushing the gas pedal when that puppy needs some service. Tires, brakes, oil change… what in the blue piss are ya waiting for champ?

If ya in the New Orleans or surrounding area, head on down to Midas on Canal street and go see mista Vince.

Tell em mayo sent ya to get it situated so ya can actually start caring about ya life again. He will understand and the rest will be history.

College Football Smoke, MAYO WANTS IT.


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