Melvin Gordon Likes To Go Fast As Fuck And Sip Slow

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Melvin Gordon lives the life of Vin Diesel on occasion.

Currently wondering if Melvin Gordon likes the old school whip banger by Kanye West? Drive slow, homie.

Not Melvin’s cup of tea…

Nah, Melvin had that “Zoom” by Boosie slapping in Denver on Tuesday night when he was pulled over and charged with DUI. Hell of a way to end the fifth week of the NFL Covid season.

Full Melvin.

Buddy was going up to 39mph over the Denver speed limit and reportedly swaying and slurring his ass off.

Not sure if Melvin was actively sippin’ while zoomin, but fella was full of that shit. Flash was just taking advantage of some vacant time.

Melvin Gordon Likes His Off Time

The Broncos had been off for the last three days per Johnny Walker Elway. Can you imagine how shit faced John Elway gets?

Things that we should decipher:

  • What the fuck is a 25-39 over speed limit?
    • which one is it?
  • Melvin, were you on Mushrooms?
  • Does Melvin still play this week? He’s been going the fuck off.
  • Bell or Blount gets the call? That is the true Denver options.
In my honest opinion…
The best duo to ever get pulled over while blowing gas.

Does Gordon know a guy like this?




PASS the rock to LB.


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