Sheesh, them cabinets ain’t nice enough to be around them walkers on this woman. If ya don’t believe in her fitness program, whose fucking fitness program ya believe in? I personally couldn’t do any training with Sarah as I’d faint after one scoop of pre-workout and a bite of a granola bar if she showing up looking anything like she looks slicing avocados.
Morning Wood News Stats & Achievements
Sarah is no busta and one active Capricorn.
- Maryland graduate.
- Yoga Goddess.
- Owns her own company, NVGTN.
- sells a fuck ton of health shit.
- 1.3 million followers on instagram.
- Twitter account suspended.
- NOT affiliated with BANG Energy, sucks.
- Dating a dude with the same amount of followers as hold the mayo instagram, 1800 and Garrett Brams. Congrats bro. True love. (can’t confirm they still dating and don’t truly give a fuck) Garrett needs to grow some balls and a following. Hottest woman on the planet and ya out here branding with 1800 followers. Fuck, bro care a little.
Long story short, Sarah Houchens can make ya healthy. Just by simply following her page ya will become a more healthy human. For that reason she was a no brainer for Morning Wood News cover girl.
Free Mouth Friday
Wesley Presssley will be back in the jar to co-judge and co-host for the glamorous event. Joe Show is coming off his first ever Free Mouth Friday title and look for him to really shit his pants. The choke is real.
Mayo has put two shirts on pre-order that will arrive by the end of January. The black and gold B.A.D. along with the city tradition Lord’s Day. Both are premium comfort colors pocket tees.
Ya can obtain them here or below the blog.
See you assholes tonight and don’t forget to stop at Ben’s Burgers for the real business when it comes to grub. The only burger joint mayo would tell ya to go to and when ya go grab more than a burger. Snag them funnel cake fries and a milkshake.