Move over ‘Last Dance’, The ‘Last Ride’ is here for the throne

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While everyone and their mother has been losing their minds over ‘The Last Dance’, the docuseries about Michael Jordan and the ’96-’97 Chicago Bulls, a new docuseries highlighting an even larger star is set to premier this Sunday. Who is bigger than MJ? WWE icon The Undertaker. The new series will highlight the wrestler’s decision to retire or keep fighting. I haven’t watched wrestling since I was in 5th grade, but the Undertaker was my favorite of all time. The fact that he is still active in the ring at 55 years old. That’s older than BOTH of my parents. For those unfamiliar with The Undertaker, I’ll go into detail why The Undertaker is a far more fan-friendly hero than Michael Jordan, and why ‘The Last Ride’ will be way more compelling than ‘The Last Dance’.

The Undertaker didn’t have a gambling problem

At a young age, many kids struggle to find a viable icon to look up to. Many kids in the ’90s admired Michael Jordan. He was worshiped like a God all across the world. However, the man had demons. Stories of Jordan’s gambling threw his morality into question. You know who never had out of the ring issues? The Undertaker. The only vice this man seemed to have was riding his Harley around up and down the ring. Sure, a man in a biker gang may not be the ideal candidate for a child to look up to, but I have never heard reports of The Undertaker losing $1.2 million betting on golf. Also, there are pictures everywhere of MJ smoking cigars and drinking after winning championships. That is the type of poison being fed to the youth plays a big part in the development of a child’s brain.

Championships? Streaks? Let’s compare.

The Undertaker was most well know for his winning streak at Wrestlemania. The man won 21 consecutive matches on wrestling’s biggest stage. He eventually lost, but bounced back winning his next couple matches. Yeah, the Bull’s three-peated twice in the 1990s, but I don’t think they could have have won 21 in a row. In addition, he also is a 17 time champion. The Bulls? Six times. I am not a mathematician, but I would say 17 is a better number than six. Would you rather watch the glorious history of all 17 championships throughout three decades, or a team who was only relevant for one decade? I’m waiting.

Sidekicks

The cast surrounding MJ was god-awful. Scottie Pippen? Boring. Steve Kerr? Sucks. The only cool person on that Bulls team was Dennis Rodman and it seemed like him and Jordan did NOT get along. The Undertaker had some pretty badass companions throughout the year, but none comes close to the relationship him and Kane had. First off, their nickname was the “Brothers of Destruction.” They were dubbed as half brothers, and they were tag team champions. MJ didn’t win any championships with his brother. Throughout the years, they broke up and reunited multiple times, but they were truly inseparable. When Jordan left the NBA, he didn’t even return to the only team he ever knew! And in post-career life? Kane is the Mayor of Knox County in Tennessee. Jordan? Owns the Charlotte Hornets and sits on his ass all day running a losing franchise.

Characters and Personas

There is no denying that Michael Jordan had swagger. The man was the centerpiece for many international brands. But I don’t recall Jordan having powers of rising from the dead. The Undertaker? He will come jumping out of a casket like its nothing. Although he is known to be immortal, he still gives the audience a good scare sometimes.

Additionally, The Undertaker has the powers of telekinesis, superhuman strength, illusions, and even teleportation. What can MJ do? Dunk and shoot an orange ball, make some people laugh, and lose copious amounts of money gambling? Interesting cases on both ends. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. If you were to ask me which powers I would rather have, it is a no contest that I would rather possess the powers of the “Deadman.”

Trainwreck, how can I watch this masterpiece?

If I did my job right, your heart is racing in anticipation for ‘The Last Ride.’ Yes, idiots, I am still going to watch ‘The Last Dance’, but it will be pushed down my watchlist, the same as it was when Westworld was still on live. It premiers this Sunday at 10 p.m. central. The kicker, however, is that it is on WWE Network’s streaming service which will undoubtedly limit its viewership. A shame too, I thought it had potential to be bigger than the Bulls documentary. If anyone wants to slide over their WWE Network log in, hit your boy up and I’ll compensate generously. And if there is one thing The Undertaker wants you to take out of this article, just remember that:

HOLD IT.

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