NFL Free Agency, Players Practicing Social Distancing From Former Teams.

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NFL Free Agency is in full effect.

We are in the midst of NFL Free Agency the last few hours. The league has not been quiet, and looks like they are moving forward with business as usual. Roger Goodell had a “cool” moment for a second there the other day when they announced the new CBA deal. More football? No marijuana penalties? Two more playoff spots? I can work with that Roger. You are still the ultimate dick face. Anyways, the league has them burners on right now. Nobody is safe.

Franchise Tag Henry?

Possibly, the most shocking news coming out today was the Tennessee Titans throwing the tag on Derrick Henry. You know, the guy who ran for a bazillion yards last year? The man beast that single handedly carried the Titans to relevance late in the year. This was a day after the Titans gave Ryan Tannehill a $118 million dollar contract to stick around a while. The obvious good news for them is that they keep both men on the squad for the 2020 season. No other team will have opportunity to sign Henry this season.

Dak Meets Free Agency? Nah

Oh yeah, Dak is doing fucking phenomenal. The Cowgirls just threw the tag on Dak, and now will work on that Amari Cooper contract in the meantime. Speaking of in the meantime, Dak will make $33 million meantime dollars this season while waiting on his new contract. That makes me shiver, but Ben Rothlisberger made that last year no problem. The NFL got it like that. Getting the NFL Franchise Tag thrown on you in 2020 ain’t so bad.

Receivers In Motion…

DeAndre Hopkins has been traded to Arizona in return for David Johnson.

Holy Shit, Bill O’Brien really is the dumbest football coach I’ve ever witnessed. I’m sure he’s a great guy, but dude you don’t trade a guy that you were only paying $12.5M base salary. Not even hours later, they sign Randall Cobb to a deal guaranteeing $18.5M! What is going on in Houston?

Amari Cooper is planning on signing a deal with Dallas as of last night. The former struggling Raider agreed to a 5yr/$100mill contract with the Cowgirls.

Stefon Diggs is headed to Buffalo after getting that trade request he’s been crying about for almost two seasons. He will be catching bombs from Josh Allen in a city that is desperate for a playoff win.

Other Notables…

The following bro’s have found new homes in the NFL:

  • Jimmy Graham to the Bears, 2yr/$16M with $9M guaranteed.
  • Drew Brees back to the bless you boys, 2yr/$50M deal.
  • Phillip Rivers to the Colts, 1yr/$25M deal.
  • Teddy Bridgewater signs with the Panthers, 3yr/$60M deal.
  • Kyle Van Noy to the Dolphins, 4yr/$51M deal.
  • Byron Jones to the Dolphins, 5yr/$82.5M with $57M guaranteed.
  • Case Keenum to the Browns, 3yr/$18M with $10M guaranteed.
  • Shaq Lawson to the Dolphins, 3yr/$30M deal.
  • Arik Armstead is staying in the bay, 5yr/$85M.
  • Austin Hooper to the Browns, 4yr/$44M with $23M guaranteed.
  • Jack Conklin heads to the Browns, 3yr/$42M with $30M guaranteed.
  • DeForest Buckner traded to the Colts for the 13th overall pick in 2020 draft.
  • Vic Beasley signs with Titans on a 1yr/$12M deal.
  • Jason Witten heads to Las Vegas on a one year deal.
  • Jason Pierre-Paul heads back to Tampa on a 2yr/$27M deal.
  • Calais Campbell traded to Baltimore for 2020 5th round pick.

NFL Free Agency Bomb

Oh yeah, Tom Brady is leaving Boston on St. Patrick’s Day. How fitting, after his last throw in a Pats uniform was a pick fucking six. Tom woke up this morning and released the groundbreaking news on Twitter. The 20 year run by Brady has come to an end in New England.

Don’t forget to scoop a mayo shirt from the mayo merch shop.

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