It wasn’t pretty for the condiment crafter last weekend, but watch it get good looking after these NFL week 2 spreads I’m about to put on the table. Rome wasn’t built in a day and this season wasn’t a success in a week.
Don’t run just yet after seeing me piss my pants and go 1/5 in picks last week. Couldn’t even get ya some Parlay Pudding to go, but that’s the last ya hear from me on my struggles. It’s time to scrape crumbs.
A more methodical approach and just early observing during the week needs to take place and I’m fucking here living it.
NFL Week 2 Table
- NYG (+3.0) vs. WASH (-3.0)
- SF (-3.5) vs. PHI (+3.5)
- CIN (+2.5) vs. CHI (-2.5)
- HOU (+12.5) vs. CLE (-12.5)
- LAR (-3.5) vs. IND (+3.5)
- BUF (-3.5) vs. MIA (+3.5)
- NE (-6.0) vs. NYJ (+6.0)
- LV (+5.5) vs. PIT (-5.5)
- NO (-3.5) vs. CAR (+3.5)
- MIN (+3.5) vs. ARI (-3.5)
- ATL (+12.5) vs. TB (-12.5)
- DAL (+3.0) vs. LAC (-3.0)
- TEN (+5.5) vs. SEA (-5.5)
- KC (-3.5) vs. BAL (+3.5)
- DET (+11.0) vs. GB (-11.0)
Mayo Spread Selections
Let’s start with Thursday night.
I like the Giants to cover here. They need to get Saquon fucking rolling and this is a prime opportunity to do it against a pretty solid defense. Just pound the rock and wear em down. Easier said than done.
Sterling Sheppard is stepping up and becoming a reliable enough target for Daniel Jones to develop a routine of maybe being a decent Quarterback. It’s only been one week and the Giants are still going to be a bad team, but I think they can cover against a Taylor Heinke led football team. He’s gotta settle down eventually.
NYG +3.0 is the mayo spread.
49ers at Eagles
Still rolling with San Fransisco and actually think they will win this game pretty convincingly. They beat the shit outta Detroit and just stopped playing in the fourth quarter.
Philly will have some issues with that 49ers defense who is hell bent on getting that football back.
SF -3.5 is the mayo spread.
Bengals at Bears
Love the fuck outta Joe Burrow in the NFL right now and in this game on Sunday. The Bears aren’t anything to be concerned about when it comes to having a coherent offense, so Joe Burrow should be able to turn up early and jump ahead on these Andy Dalton led Bears. They suck so bad.
Even if Fields plays (which he played like two snaps last week) he won’t be able to last in a shootout with Joe Burrow who proved he will not die last Sunday against Captain Kirk and the disaster known as the Vikings.
Expect Burrow to drop some bombs and expect Chicago to dink and donk. I’m taking the calculated risk and going with the Bengals as one of my two underdog picks this weekend for Mayo Spreads.
Bengals to win is the mayo selection.
Texans at Browns
Took the Jags last week to cover -2.5 against Houston and felt really fucking good about it till the football game actually happened. Yeah, idk…Tyrod.
Tyrod Taylor blew my fucking mind and the audacity of Cleveland to be his next opponent. Not only that, but 12+ point favorites is a fucking movie to me. There is no way that the Browns can hold Tyrod back from covering in the scenario we have approaching Sunday. He heads back to Cleveland after destroying the Jags to face the man who took his starting job years ago.
Taylor said that his entire struggle prepared him for this day and with Deshaun Watson completely out the picture, he may be right. With all that said I’m taking the Browns to cover that outrageous cover against Tyrod Taylor. Why? Cause Baker is gonna wake up feeling dangerous as all fuck.
CLE -12.5 is the mayo spread.
Rams at Colts
Just take the over int his game and that’ll be it for mayo.
The Rams looked determined to throw the rock all over the fucking field this year as of last week and Carson Wentz didn’t look THAT bad in his debut as a Colt. We playing indoors at Indy, which is an indoor element Matt Stafford will appreciate. I don’t have anything else to say, take the over.
LAR/IND o/47.5 is the mayo selection.
Raiders at Steelers
Let’s be honest here, Big Ben look like he moving around out there with cinder blocks for cleats. Homie is like a CBD building in the pocket. That o-line let em through like the man in front at Walmart.
The Raiders got that grit and motivation after getting their asses kicked the prior years under Jon Gruden.
They just saying fuck it this year and going after throats when they on the field, taking risks. Nobody expected the Raiders to win against Baltimore, but they didn’t seem to give a fuck. Derek Carr looked more than serviceable. One thing you should consider is the over, but I also like the Raiders +5.5 after they covered +4.5 in winning fashion last week against Baltimore.
LV +5.5 is the mayo spread.
LV/PIT o/47 is on the plate as well.
Saints at Panthers
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Don’t even second guess it, Saints covering against the Sam Darnold led Carolina Panthers. We KNOW that Saints D eats running backs outta their misery, ask Aaron Jones and ANY other running back you can think of at this point. No back likes playing the Saints defense, despite McCaffery having a bit of success with garbage time yards and scores in recent. The Saints have the advantage in the passing game and on defense. That is enough for me to take this -3.5 spread to the dinner table.
NO -3.5 is the mayo spread.
Cowboys at Chargers
I like Dallas straight up to win. It’s crazy because I know Justin Herbert is a fucking dawg, but so is Dak. I like the Cowgirl’s offense better.
The over is at 55 and I’d be careful on that one. Zeke has to get going this game.
News just broke that DE Demarcus Lawrence is out after breaking foot in practice. Not good for my pick’s sake, but let’s roll.
DAL to win is the mayo selection.
Not Touching
- BUF (-3.5) vs. MIA (+3.5)
- Fuck this spread, you’ll lose money messing with it the wrong way. I don’t trust Buffalo this season, just yet. Miami covered and won last week, yeah stay away unless ya got big nuts.
- NE (-6.0) vs. NYJ (+6.0)
- Fuck this spread, you’ll lose money messing with it the wrong way. Nobody knows who is dominant in this division yet. We know the Jets will not be, but we don’t know how bad the Patriots are just yet. Nobody in their right mind should take a Jets spread this early either, so stay away.
- DEN (-6.0) vs. JAX (+6.0)
- Fuck this spread, you’ll lose money messing with it the wrong way. Denver looked competitive last week and Jacksonville looked like Urban Meyer won’t be there much longer. However, I don’t like Denver enough to take them by 6 points against anyone. There could be value in doubling up on the Jags after they destroyed me last week, but I’m not ready to do that either.
- ATL (+12.5) vs TB (-12.5)
- I mean, I’m not against the notion of taking the dirty birds +12.5, but it seems like the smart pick here after Dallas was able to move the ball last week on Tampa. Nah, fuck this it ain’t me.
- Fuck betting for or against Minnesota, period.
- I always stay away from Minnesota by all means. They will either win like they should, lose like they shouldn’t or win like they shouldn’t. Toxic football team when it comes to wagers. To keep tradition, they blew their spread and game last week.
May Touch…
- TEN (+5.5) vs. SEA (-5.5)
- I may add this one later as I’m starting to like Seattle to cover int his game at home. Tennessee just doesn’t look like a team that can break past that point they keep getting each year and this year may be even worse. Russell Wilson don’t give a mothafuck he’s here to turn up every week. Yeah, I’m about to do this one.
Done With…
- KC (-3.5) vs. BAL (+3.5)
- Done with the Chiefs and spreads.
Nah…
- DET (+11.0) vs. GB (-11.0)
- Detroit should cover against this overrated Green Bay team. Especially, if they can get that run game going with DeAndre Swift. Jared Goff ain’t no bum and can put points on the board as they nearly fucking came back from a zillion last week against San Fran. Idk man, no way I’d take Green Bay to cover -11 in this game. It could happen, but I’m passing on this loser fest all together.
NFL Week 2 Spreads have concluded.
As always, Mayo Spreads is presented by Midas.
Follow me on Twitter @SNOWLIKEJONN for more verbiage.
Head over to Midas on Canal street and let em know mayo sent ya for a good traditional time getting ya vehicle serviced.
HOLD IT.
