Party In Da Parish: St. Robert Sockhop Edition

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St. Bernard, I love ya and damnit I’m back writing another one of these articles for you. We started with a recap of rec ball teams (Click here for that article if ya been living under a rock and didn’t see it) and now we going back to middle school partying. I’m talking about the one, the only, St. Robert Bellarmine sockhop.

Contrary to my Braves article, I’m not sitting her comparing which school had the best dance/sockhop shit. I spent some years at St. Robert and more years at OLPS (best elementary/middle school down in the STB but that’s neither here nor there). As a result, I’m telling you from first hand experience, SRB hands down had the best dance/sockhop in town. Without further rambling, let’s dive in to the preparation, the perfect execution and the follow up for one of these middle school parties.

Putting In The Early Ground Work

You’re in 6th-8th grade and it’s a Monday of sockhop week. The teachers are all sitting there with their lesson plans trying to distract you from what’s to come in a few short days. However, you and your friends are goal oriented and know the priorities in life, setting up a meet and greet with ya boo at the sockhop. Fellas, you already told ya boys in homeroom that shit needs to be discussed at recess, meet at the jungle gym.

Ladies, you and ya girls already started shopping the weekend before so you’re already a step ahead.

Please keep in mind, I’ll be describing mostly the fella’s side of this. Ladies, I do apologize, but feel free to comment with your best experiences.

Monday-Tuesday:
This is a day to begin laying down the foundation of where y’all going before the sockhop, some possible ideas of who you going to have arms length apart at the dance, and whose house y’all are going to after to talk about how you just snuck a little smooch infront of your vice principal.

You’re not terribly stressed just yet as time is on your side and confidence is at an all time high. Except when it comes to that damn surprise math quiz that Ms. Frizzle decided to toss at you to be the webster definition of a bitch. You use the shit out of your peripheral vision to borrow some answers from your buddy that was adequately prepared and has accepted that he is going to this sockhop alone.

Fast forward through the day and the final bell rings to go to ball out then get home. Mom/Dad picks you up, asks how the day went, obviously you’re not telling them about that piece of shit surprise quiz because you can’t take that chance of not being able to go to that dance. Monday over.

The Early Work Continues

I found that Tuesday was a rather unimportant day in this planning process. You review Monday’s discussions, but if anything you’ve started to send notes in class to some potential dates. These notes are nothing too shakespeare-esque, rather the generic, “sup?”.

Biggest obstacle of today: Don’t get ya notes mixed up. That could be tragic and you can’t have that type of stress at a young age. Unlike Monday, recess today is all about showcasing your skills. Flag football with your friends, showing up that new juke move you learned on Madden 02. Kickball in the yard, demonstrating that you can kick that ball damn near over the school itself. Whichever, your sport you showcased the skills to all spectating.

Ladies, you likely were not watching these athletic abilities and talked about getting together and ending up at Rachel or Kristen’s house because her mom was “the cool mom”.

Mid Week Grind

Wednesday-Thursday:
This is a crucial time period to get your potential “dates” straight and have your story ready for where mom and dad think you’ll be afterwards. Most of the hard work should be done by now. School is just about an after thought and you just show up so you don’t get those absences on your record. Hell, I was told once that if you don’t go to school on Thursday, you can’t go to the sockhop in Friday.

Anyway, last period is here and the vice principal or disciplinarian comes on over the loud speaker to talk about rules at the sockhop. These include, but are not limited to:
1. if you bring a date, they must be abide by school rules.
2. All students must keep atleast arms length away during dancing
3. Parents must be present to pick you up after the dance is over
4. If your parent is not picking you up, they must say who will be

The list goes on…

The Sockhop

Friday: Sockhop Day
It’s the talk of the halls, sockhop plans are officially set. You’ll be powering through school to get home and get prepped for the night. Now I know I said that the teacher on Monday giving the pop quiz was a bitch. However, the teacher that decided to have a test on this Friday…there’s really no words to describe the feelings towards this human. This person hates fun and will be forever labeled as a real pain in the ass. People request out of their homeroom due to the negativity they bring in the air. Anyway, school ends and it’s go time.

Fellas: You show up to the sockhop with ya boys undoubtedly looking like an Abercrombie poster child. Your white washed jeans are ripped in the knee and thigh area, your collar is popped with the front shirt tucked in. You loaded up on the fierce cologne so that everyone knows you just entered the building. There’s also a high chance you have the front of your hair spiked up with some strong got 2 b glued product. And ofcoarse, the birkenstocks are on ya feet.

Precisely.

Ladies: I unfortuntaely do not know what style or store your clothes were from, but if I’m guessing…also Abercrombie or American Eagle.

The Environment At The Sockhop

You have the teacher by day, DJ by night on the stage blaring Lil Jon through the speakers. Nothing quite like being in 6th-8th grade correcting the censored lyrics.

“To the windoooooowww, to the wall. To the sweat drop down my BALLS, all these BITCHES crawl.”

All teachers turn to the dance floor, some laughing, some shaking their heads in disappointment. Just as you and your classmates are huddle around watching your friend that is two-stepping his ass off, a slow song comes on. You search the crowd for your boo and find your spot right by your friend and their boo. Boyz II Men- End of the Road graces the crowd and you don’t save any room for Jesus.

If you went to OLPS, this is where Sr. Dot came yelling in your damn ear with that megaphone to back the hell up or satan awaits you. Song ends and Usher’s Yeah is a strong banger at this time.

By the end of the night, you’ve probably witnessed about 1-2 almost fights over someone dancing with someone’s “date”. Last song plays and everyone begins to head for the door. You and your boys head back to whoever’s house was decided on and it’s time to go rolling to go into the weekend on an absolute thrill.

The Follow Up:

Through the weekend, you likely stayed at your friend’s house playing Grand Theft Auto, Halo, or Madden. You ride that high from Friday night into the next week, only to start the process all over again in one month.

So there you have it friends, that’s my experience from SRB Sockhops. If that wasn’t yours, feel free to share your experience. These sockhops are one of a kind and lead to one hell of a middle school experience.

As always check out the HTM Merch (here) and never stop Holding It.

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