A tradition like no other, wrestling entrances are arguably the most exciting part of the sport. You’re front row, rocking the Austin 3:16 cutt off shirt with a neon sign with bold font spelling out “WHAT?”. While every wrestler has an entrance, not all are worth a damn. On the other hand, some will have you giving your neighbor the ole Stockton Heybuddy (middle finger to the face).
This work of art goes out to all the people that have put their friends/siblings into the Walls of Jericho. Or maybe a choke slam, hell you may have even stone cold stunned their ass right there on Christmas morning. If you fit this persona, you had one hell of an upbringing. You’ve witnessed a human get tossed from the top a steel cage and thrown through a table.
Now being that you’ve established dominance in your cirlce of trust and you have memorized the many entrances to these wrestlers. This is where I’ve taken it upon myself to reflect upon these entrances. Ultimately, putting together a list that’ll get you from six to midnight.
5. Vince McMahon
That’s right, the CEO himself, Mr. McMahon comes strutting in at #5. Throughout the lifespan of the WWF/WWE, he has been the guy you love to hate. Possibly just hate, whichever tickles your fancy. Regardless, there was no chance in hell he wasn’t going to make it on my list. Let’s take a gander at this wonderful entrance. Music starts and the billion dollar bastard’s face lights up the big screen. Just to let everyone know he’s better than you, he pauses and taunts all the fans.
He’s pretty much gone full blown asshole at this point. He starts walking like he’s got the testicles of an elephant, all while swinging his arms wide in perfect synchrony. This is what we call Big Dick Energy, aka BDE, in the showbiz. You may not have been a fan of him in the ring, or his ability to unsuccessfully run a professional football league. But got damnit, this man can walk himself down to a ring.
4. The Rock
IF YOU SMEEEEELLLLLL, what the Rock is cookin’! Tell me you didn’t just say that acting like you’re The Rock. Just about now you’re also on your way to lay the People’s elbow on some Jabroni candy ass. A fan favorite since ’96. The energy this man brought to the stage was electrifying. DJ’s entrance may not have the fancy flashing lights or fireworks going off, but that doesn’t stop him from making this list. He comes walking out looking like a Miami drug lord with the gold chain, shades, and an expensive ass looking shirt properly unbuttoned. All perfectly put together to display the gainz.
He wastes zero time getting to the ring and immediately goes up on the first corner belt in hand. As he walks to the second corner, he takes a glimpse at his opponent. This is no ordinary glimpse, he’s letting them know that daddy’s home. Goes up to the second corner, lifts the belt and embraces the love from thousands of fans from all around the world.
While I know this is about entrances, I can’t talk about this man without mentioning his signature talent. One that inspired me to sit in front of a mirror many of nights to get it right. That eyebrow raise, son.
3. The Undertaker
Brace yourself for the most terrifying wrestling entrance has ever been (and should ever be) made. Let’s set the mood. Lightning strikes. Lights go out. Fog fills the stage and thousands of fans are sitting in the darkness. They are eagerly awaiting for that bell to ring meaning only one thing. The Grim Reaper himself is about to grace you with his presence. A black light covers the arena with some tossed in flashes of bright lights. A tall figure with the black hat and leather coat emerges. Taker is here. Finally, he proceeds to take an eternity to walk his giant ass self to the ring. Rightfully so, his opponent is now pissed for waiting that long.
That’s not all folks, this psychopath then leans the brim of his hat downward, hiding his face from the world. Shortly thereafter, he lifts that hat with his damn eyes rolled in the back of his head! While this entrance isn’t upbeat you will most certainly be entertained. Outside of his very very dark entrance, he is without a doubt a favorite of the fans as well. Watching a 7 foot tall human pick up another person by the throat and throw them down on the ring is about as disrecpectful as it gets. He’s big, he’s slow as molasses, but he’s found himself on this very prestigous list coming in at #3. Congrats Taker.
2. Triple H
Coming in at #2 on the entrance list is a man that has been loved then hated. Then loved, then hated again. Then bumped uglies with the bossman’s daughter. Enter Hunter Hearst Helmsley, aka Triple H. Warning: this entrance will ceratinly make you punch a hole in a cement wall. This MFer’s got the music blaring, lights flashing, people screaming. Water bottle in hand he rounds the corner, looking like he just freshly shot some ‘roids in them asscheeks. The wasteful son of a bitch pours water on his head as if he wasn’t oiled up enough. In addition, he takes a small sip then spits everywhere like a damn quitter.
Now don’t take my words out of context here, this entrance is absolutely electric. I just was never much of a Triple H guy when he was riding solo (We’ll address this later in the honorable mention section). Fast forward to him facing the crowd as he gets up on the ring. He proceeds to pour more water on his soaked ass head and into his mouth again. Spits all over everyone in the front row who paid too much money to be spit on. Don’t be fooled by his big ass though, he had one of the least exciting finishing moves. But props to him for getting at Mr. McMahon by banging his daughter.
1. Stone Cold Steve Austin
#1 in the ring and #1 on the entrance list is The Texas Rattlesnake…”WHAT?” Austin 3:16… “WHAT?” Stone Cold Steve Austin! The glass shatters and fans immediately start flipping each other off making this easily the best entrance in WWE/WWF history. Peep the video, damnit. The guy gets to the ring, hits the corners to embrace the people’s love. Looks at the dumb bitch of a ref, gives the middle finger salute. Afterwards, he proceeds to hand out ass whoopings. Not only does he put on one hell of an entrance, his speeches are just about the most inspiring pieces of art you will ever hear. For example:
“You don’t suck because these people say you suck, you suck because Stone Cold says so, and THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE!” Stone Cold to the Rock.
This next quote is him describing the situation Vince McMahon offered him on who to wrestle between Y2J and Booker T:
“I drove over to the Sonic drive in, ordered a jalapeño burger, a chicken fried steak sandwich, a chilli cheese dog with extra onions, french fries, tater tots, washed it down with one beer, two beers, three beers, a shot of whiskey, a margarita, and a bloody mary. And I said Stone Cold, why have one when you can have them both!”
Never change, Stone Cold.
The last 5 entrances have been based on a wrestler’s individual entrance to the ring. This next one is a duo that had no issue telling anyone and everyone to suck it. “Are you ready?”
Meet D Generation X
Triple H making his second appearance in this write up, but there is absolutely no better entrance for a duo than these two. Triple H and Shawn Michaels, aka D Generation X, had the lights, the props, the music. Most importantly their signature “suck it” gesture that I happily put on display for friends and family at all occasions. Walk in the class and see an assignment on the board? Suck it. Wake up on a saturday to see I have a list of chores to do? Suck it twice to that nonsense. No matter the scenario, it fits.
Well there you have it all you holders, now you have the greatest damn list of entrances to get the juices flowing! Make sure to check the site for mayo merch and if you feel the need to bring negative thoughts to my list please remember. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! Hold It.