There are a ton of super impressive Guinness World Records out there right now that nobody will ever be able to touch again. With that being said, there are still a lot of stupid random ones that seem way too easy, and I think I could be on the verge of greatness. “Guinness World Record Holder” would look pretty cool as a bio point. Plus, I wouldn’t have to make up some “interesting fact” about myself for those stupid fucking icebreakers ever again. Here are some World Records I could break…
Fastest Time to Eat All Chocolates From an Advent Calender (CR: 1:27.84)
This record may be what I was put on this earth to break. As a kid, there was nothing better than breaking open those doors and eating one of the greatest delicacies in the world. It was always awesome when you missed a couple days and got to play catchup. I was good for destroying about 3 of these every Christmas season. Now there are some technicalities to this record. #1 the chocolates have to be opened in order, and #2 you have to swallow each piece before you move on to the next. In the current world record video (below), the guy is basically swallowing each piece which is where I may struggle on this one.
Most Ping Pong Balls Bounced into a Cup in 1 min (CR: 12)
This one, BY FAR, is the easiest one to break. I don’t even think it would take me that many tries. Maybe I’m being a little cocky, but hear me out… this guy misses more than 75% of his shots. I don’t think it would be that hard once you find a little rhythm. And if this wasn’t bouncing… GAME OVER.
Fastest Time to Place 24 Cans in a Fridge (CR: 9.76 sec)
Technically the current World Record is 5.78 seconds, but due to the technicality of me seeing 9.76 seconds on the original record, it stands at that. The rules for this one are that you have to start with the fridge closed, and the cans have to be standing up without any dents. You are allowed to grab multiple at one time. I have plenty of practice over the years on loading the fridge with cases… should be no biggie. Skip to 13:14 for the record.
Most Socks Put On One Foot in 30 Seconds (CR: 28)
This one could take some time. I think it’s all about the materials though. You have to find a thin stretchy sock like in the video below. It’s all about lining them up properly and keeping your foot low to the ground. Give me a few practice rounds, and I’d be good to go.
Fastest Time to Arrange a Chess Set (CR: 31.55 sec)
There is not an official video for this one. From what I read, the rules were you could only use one hand and all pieces had to be completely within their designated boxes at the end (no on the line bullshit). This one may be the easiest of them all, and the current holder looks like a 12 year old nerd that I would totally crush.
- Stamps Licked in One Minute (CR: 70)
- Most Layers in a Sand-which (CR: 60)
- Most Jell-O Eaten with Chopsticks in One Minute (CR: 3.2 ounces)
- Coins Stacked into a Tower in 30 seconds (CR: 51)
I’m currently reaching out to Guinness to attempt some of these. Training starts now…